Have been in the new job for about a month and a half, and I have to say it is still a struggle of monumental proportions to get myself out of bed and get here in the mornings.  I’m just about making it every day, but I just don’t want to.  So, I’m in a quandary – is the job not right for me, or have I just not given it long enough yet?*  Part of it is to do with the journey there, which is about 45mins longer than my old ‘commute’ (…approx 7 mins, so I know I was a bit lucky there).  I’ve discovered that I find it a bit easier when I walk first, then get the bus, which stops at the top of the street the office is on, rather than getting the tube, then walking for 15mins, uphill.  For some reason, the walk after I exit the tube really depresses me.  Hmpf.

I just don’t feel happy.  I’m not expecting to feel happy happy joy joy all the time, but being happy at work is more important than we give it credit for – we are here a huge proportion of our time – it is, in fact, what we spend most of our time doing.  What I want to avoid is gettting into a situation where it keeps wearing me down to the point where I do get really depressed and it all gets on top of me.

Then there’s this feeling, this inclination I have that things could be improved by some small, unspecified yet crucial change, to my surroundings, to the way I organise everything – like something just needs to be clicked into place.  Then everything would be ok.  Of course, I have no idea what that might be, though I did buy a plant for my desk the other day, and I do feel cheered whenever I look at it.  But, overall, I think it is going to take more than a pot plant.

*all of this comes with a sprinkling of the following on top: ‘oh my god I’m lucky to have a job at all after I got made redundant/could I even get another job in the current climate/am I just stressed out/panic/panic, etc.